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OFFICIAL WEBSITE OF
GREENESPEAK PUBLICATIONS
CINDY BAILEY, EDITOR & PUBLISHER
Headquartered at:
99 S. Washington St., Waynesburg, PA
Greene County
MAILING ADDRESS:
P. O. Box 1003
Waynesburg, PA 15370
BUSINESS PH: 724-344-7980
E-MAIL: cindy@greenespeak.com
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[POSTED SEPTEMBER 2, 2005]
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I have been so busy with getting the print version of GreeneSpeak out that I haven’t updated this page in a bit. It is not too difficult for me to generate new material, although it keeps me hopping sometimes, and I really try not to just write blather. Which brings me to the point of this installment of Church MATTERS....
POOR STEWARDS OF TECHNOLOGY??
I am increasingly convicted that our local churches in general, and not just the one I attend, are poor stewards of the modern technology that they have managed to rush out and buy.
What I mean is, most churches boast up-to-date computers and the latest desktop publishing software, and many have gone as far as maintaining a website. And that all sounds pretty impressive, but what are we doing with these amazing resources?
Outside of ordinary record keeping, we WASTE them, that’s what.
Now I know that you know that I am a publisher and that this is a topic which is near and dear to my heart; however, this is not about ME.
Jesus is THE WORD.
THE WORD is how we know him, along with our personal, mystical relationship with him.
We depend on the Bible every day to provide the lamp to our feet and light to our path. We hide it in our hearts by memorizing it, but we’re afraid to put it into our own words to help people understand it. We’re afraid that we may be “adding to” the Word of God, and yet we all yammer on about everything and everybody else all day.
And still, we’ve convinced ourselves that the power of the written word is no longer alive and well, due to the TV and video games and whatever.
But that’s just not true. Ask anyone under the age of 60 how much time they spend e-mailing, instant messaging, and/or surfing the Internet. In fact, more and more people OVER that age are becoming computer-savvy every day.
We’re also pretty sure that we don’t have time to sit down and write anything. Yet most of us sit before these keyboards for hours on end. And a good bit of the time, we are NOT working; we’re goofing off. We don’t think we should comment on the Bible or Christian living, but we have no problem forwarding dumb jokes and fantastic “miracle” stories via e-mail.
How can we squander these remarkable resources that make getting the word out so easy when we come from a legacy of martyrs who died at the stake for preaching the Word because the masses didn't even own a Bible?
Take a look at your latest church newsletter, no matter what church you attend.
What do you find in there?
Birthdays, upcoming events, thank you notes from people who have been sick, maybe a cartoon, a calendar, and usually a note from the pastor that says something like, “The holidays are upon us and we need to take time from our busy lives to remember the Christ Child.”
Now these are not bad things, but how much more could we pack in there, even on just one page?
(I must confess, I have asked a number of pastors if they would like to write a column in my newspaper. Okay, so maybe they’re nervous about the politics, but frankly, I think they think it would be too much WORK. I have suggested using condensed versions of their Sunday sermons. That recommendation met with the same lack of enthusiasm).
Check out the average church website that has a photo of the former pastor who was booted out (but I digress...) and maybe a photo or two of the church picnic.
WHERE’S THE MEAT? It’s no wonder most of us act like we’re milk-fed most of the time!
How much of our church budget do we spend on paper and copier ink and postage and website hosting just to list birthdays?
Doesn’t it seem like our professional staff who are schooled in theology or those of us who are faithful churchgoers who have studied the Bible in Sunday School and on our own for most of our lives could do better than this?
Doesn’t it seem like someone could write something to inspire us or to encourage us or even to admonish us from time to time?
Doesn’t it seem like we could encourage our children and young people to submit some of their work, maybe some essays or poetry or art or photography?
Such a waste.
Doesn’t it seem like we should have a website with lively writing about current events and issues and just daily living that would appeal to both the churched and the unchurched?
They are out there dying every day and in every place, and they are as close as our computer keyboards, and yet we cringe at the thought of having to write anything stimulating and pertinent and edifying and then actually (gasp!) PUT OUR NAME ON IT.
We would rather brag in our newsletter that “eight joined the church in the month of May” and “the ladies collected 42 pairs of mittens in December.” You can’t argue with eight and 42.
Perhaps this is another example of the kind of “fruit” which appears in the oppressive atmosphere you find in most Greene County churches where no one is encouraged to shine as it might make someone else look DIM. Where prophets who speak or write the truth from the pulpit or anywhere else are usually run out of town.
Let’s keep everyone average and lukewarm. Let’s get out the bushels and cover over those sparks of light. We don’t want people discussing anything other than, “What were those yummy things that Marge baked for the ladies social?”
Don’t want to start any fires, do we? Somebody might get burned.
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[POSTED AUGUST 21, 2005]/Appended August 23, 2005
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Church MATTERS
PUBLISHER'S NOTE: A word to anyone who responds to this website. I DO NOT publish personal attacks on myself or anyone else. Personal attacks get publishers SUED.
(By the way, if you decide to personally attack me or anyone else for what we do for the Lord, you are heaping more blessings upon us. Remember when Jesus said blessed are those who are persecuted for my sake? For the record: Cindy Bailey and her family have NOTHING MATERIAL to gain by speaking the truth about the church. Cindy gets no paycheck of any kind from the church and no advertising of any kind in GreeneSpeak from the church. The investment of the Baileys in the church is SPIRITUAL ONLY).
And I do edit material for clarity, grammar, spelling, and length.
You must include your name and e-mail, and you need to tell me if you don't want your name published.
If you are under 16, please check with your parents before you respond.
You can e-mail me any of your comments anytime, but I will only publish those which meet these criteria.
The easiest way to comment is to use the form on the righthand side of this page. You will have to scroll way down.
Whether anyone believes me or not, this page is NOT PERSONAL.
This page is an effort to TAKE A STAND AGAINST INJUSTICE.
This page is an effort to allow people to say something about the issues our church is facing in order to bring about RENEWAL AND REFORM.
I have not seen much of an effort from anyone else to allow people to participate in a meaningful way.
This website may not be the answer, but it's all I feel led to do at this moment. And yet I feel led to do SOMETHING.
I do NOT plan to stand up and speak out during worship service, and I do NOT plan to show up at board meetings with some sort of surprise attack. I would, however, attend any board meeting with a list of constructive ideas to any board which invites me. I would also serve on certain boards (one) if I am needed.
Otherwise, people can read this website, or not. It's their choice.
Just because we don't agree on everything does not mean that we have to hate each other.
My hope and dream is for our church to become the fertile soil from which the faithful can become edified to fulfill their true calling out in the world in order to bring others to a saving and meaningful knowledge of Jesus Christ.
The weeds and chaff must be cleared away before the seeds can reach their full potential.
Look at the wreckage of this past year and ask yourself if it is backstabbing to speak honestly about our concerns and to suggest ways to improve things.
Above all, I hope the latent leaders among us who feel that they have not had an opportunity to serve in our church will feel that they can speak up NOW.
IF GOD IS CALLING YOU, PLEASE SPEAK UP TO SOMEONE ON THE NOMINATING COMMITTEE OR CHURCH COUNCIL.
I hope the folks on the nominating committee are able to hook up with these folks and that we get a nice mix of new blood along with the seasoned workers.
Now on to the newest reader response....
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READER RESPONSE
From Dale Gaskill
I pray that you and the others that are hurting will open your
heart and ask for God to wrap his arms around you so that you can see/feel HIS Love and Grace. When you do all of the anger, hurt, backstabbing, that has filled your heart will fade...
We are all human and the ways of this world can pull any Christian down the wrong path. Not one person is better than the other.We all make mistakes and is tempted and has faced may trails, you, me, Pastors, leaders, churches, our brothers/sisters. It is thru our trails that our faith will grow.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. James 1:2-3...
When I read your articles my human nature response would be to lash back at you for the things you wrote about the church, leaders, and my
brothers/sisters in Christ. But my father does not want me to do that. He would rather have me reach out to you and the others.
Remember: whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me. Matthew 25:40....
I care about all the churches; they are a special place created for
Christian to worship and PRAISE GOD. We are ALL GOD'S CHILDREN. and I care about ALL OF GOD'S CHILDREN. Not just the ones that have accepted Christ into their hearts that try very very heard each and every day to follow the path that God has planned for them. I also care about the ones that call themselves a Christian that do not show it in their actions maybe because they took the wrong path or have fallen away from GOD'S GRACE. I care about the many that do not even care to know GOD because they see how some of God's children act.
I decided to write a response because I believe that we need to ask for
God's forgiveness and ask him to wrap his arms around each and every one of his children that has been hurting for a long time and are hurting now to fill our hearts with his love experiencing his grace.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father
will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14....
I feel that the public should also hear about what I have seen during the youth retreat that my family attended. I sat day/night for a week and watched so many of God's children struggle with the sins of this world; abuse, rape, sex, drugs, neglect, etc.. (this list goes on and on) I saw God wrap his arms around so many that needed to see and feel his love/grace.
He gave so many that extra day/week/month whatever they needed to go back home to deal with the same abuse, rape, sex, drugs, neglect, etc. so that they could cope with the sins of this world. I saw him change the lives of some. I saw some that decided to accept Christ into their lives.. I saw some that would not let go of their sins because SatAn was in control of their lives...
Look at the youth of today. What do you see? I see earphones and IPODS. They listen to musi.a gift that God gave to some of his Children to use to reach out to others. Yes, Satan uses it also. But what I saw and witness from a Christian concert was from God not from man or Satan. God's children were not worshipping Billy Wayne or Satan, they were worshipping GOD OUR FATHER IN HEAVEN.
It was me that put the flyers about the Christian concert on the
dashboard of the cars in both parking lots: First Baptist and the Methodist Church. I also put some on cars that were parked on the streets thatSunday... I'm serving GOD not man....
We are to SPREAD GOD MESSAGE and REACH OUT TO HIS LOST CHILDREN.
I hope you print this response. If not only you, me and God will know.
Dale Gaskill
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[POSTED AUGUST 19, 2005]
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Church MATTERS
[From an anonymous reader].
I commend you for your article on "How to Toast a Pastor." Things
that should have been done that weren't are valuable lessons for future
growth in the church.
1. When a person resigns from the church as an official or not, they
should not be given a public forum to state lies ("the church is changing direction"). Almost everyone knows the reason some left was due to money and power.
2. Too many people who claimed to be supportive of Pastor LaBarre were the same people that were friends of the power block. One or all should have paid a personal visit and told them to "butt out." Everyone stuck their head in the sand and hoped the storm would pass while leaving our beloved pastor to face the horror alone.
3. Church leadership failed to take necessary action steps. First,
someone should have taken the time to
a) black out names on the church bulletin,
b) taken her voice from the answering machine, and
c) shut down the website.
4. When people resigned or just plain failed to perform their duties on
the various boards and committees, their membership in the church should have been cancelled and all church communications ceased.
5. Instead of circling the wagons around Pastor LaBarre and the church, the church committees/leadership invited the enemy to participate. This invitation was seen in lack of response and for encouraging underminers such as Billy Wayne, David Skinner and others.
6. Too much was placed on the pastor. She should have been allowed to build the church through her worship services and not been made to try to keep EVERYTHING running as it did before. New pastor, new church.
7. Typically, it is the norm in Greene County to "not rock the boat." We
easily see what that has done for us in politics (DeWeese, Stout). We see what that has done for traffic jams (Morrisville on any given time).
We see it in the $600,000 spent on artificial turf while our kids graduate without the ability to read, write or know history.
No one stood up. As we all know, if you don't stand up, you stand for nothing.
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PUBLISHER'S NOTE: Anyone can respond to anything on this page by using the form on the right side of this page. You will have to scroll down. This website has some definte limitations, but I am glad people are responding.
As I have said, I need to know who you are and also your e-mail, but I will print your comments anonymously, if you wish. You can trust that I won't spill your beans. Not everyone is as blatant as I am about plastering my name on everything, and I really do respect that.
I am encouraging ANYONE and EVERYONE who cares about our church to participate in this discussion. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE WITH ME OR WITH ANYONE ELSE WHO COMMENTS.
(You can also respond privately to me via my e-mail address: cinswind@roadlynx.net. I will not publish those comments without your express permission. It's okay to yell at me, if you like. I'm used to it!)
We are looking for truth and light here in hopes of bringing about reform and renewal.
To God be the glory.
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[POSTED AUGUST 17, 2005]
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Church MATTERS
Your turn--Type in your comments at right.
So now I'm told that sratching my name off the church officiary list was an oversight. How can anyone argue with that? The apology is accepted in the spirit in which it was intended.
Let's see, in this mess in which we now find ourselves, NO ONE DID ANYTHING WRONG, except BAILEY, because she writes about all this on her website. It's not very Christian, you know, to point fingers, unless you are pointing them at someone who speaks up in print with her name on it.
(It's biblical, you know, to blame the prophets for all your troubles and then run them out of town, but I digresss....)
Meanwhile, I have to believe God is inspiring me here, because I can't think of any other good reason why I feel so compelled to bring so much trouble on my own head!
Really, this whole thing is about POWER--about who is steering our listing boat. Why is it so hard for us to admit that we need God to do it for us?
One thing I've heard a number of times lately that is gnawing at me is something like, "You have no idea how hard this is, how much time I've put in, blah, blah, blah....If anyone else wants this position/title/ whatever, just come on up and take my place. YOU CAN HAVE IT!"
Well, well, isn't that just the most Christian thing you've heard in a while?
LISTEN TO THE VOICE OF EXPERIENCE: If you are feeling tired and burned out and no longer fit to fulfill your duties, GOD WILL RAISE UP ANOTHER LEADER IN YOUR PLACE AND YOU CAN HAVE A REST. He never gives us more than we can bear. On the other hand, he expects us to watch the oil in our own lamp so that THE FIRE DOESN'T GO OUT. If you are letting your fire go out, you are doing a disservice to God and his church.
Anyway, I want to hear from others. (You probably do, too). So I have now placed a form on the right side of this page where you can post your own comments. I need to know who you are and also your e-mail address, but if you wish to remain anonymous on this website, just say the word. (Please understand that I have to know that you are a real, live person; otherwise I'll get all sorts of advertisements, etc. on this form instead of what it is intended for).
When you push the "submit" button, your comments immediately go to my e-mail box. No one else has access to it but me.
You see, some people have said they wish they had a venue where they could speak out about all this, and a number of folks have offered to "straighten me out" where I am wrong, but I don't really have time for all these individual meetings, so if you have something to say about what I've written, or about any other church-related matter, please feel free.
That's the point, WE SHOULD ALL FEEL FREE TO BE HEARD, whether in church or government matters or whatever.
Secrets just make everybody crazy!
TRUTH AND LIGHT NEED TO BE USHERED IN. THE TIME IS NOW.
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[POSTED AUGUST 14, 2005]
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Church MATTERS
MY HOT LIST
(Martin Luther posted his "95 Theses" on the double doors of the church because he felt it was time for the church leadership to change their ways. The church was selling FORGIVENESS to pay for their beautiful chapels and stained glass windows. SOMEBODY had to pay for the Sistine Chapel, right?
Well, our church leaders are not selling indulgences of course, but a look at the past 12 months alone ought to be evidence enough that it's time for a change in the way we do things. I’m no Martin Luther, but it seems to me that SMOG AND CONFUSION ARE OUT, TRUTH AND LIGHT SHOULD BE USHERED IN. Following is my own list which I'll post right here in hopes of change for the better).
Does anyone find it odd that our former youth minister is still meeting on a regular basis with many of the young people who used to be in her group and who still attend our church? I would not deny anyone the right to assemble for any reason, but isn’t this ODD? Yet no one in our church leadership has anything to say about this? (But they will meet with me to point out how wrong I was to publish my “How to Toast the Pastor.” An article like that might give people the wrong idea about First Baptist, I was told. See article at bottom of the page).
Meanwhile, we have someone step up to the plate and offer to lead a women’s Bible study on Wednesday morning, and a number of women say they would love to attend, but the church council forbids this, as another women’s group is trying to form on Thursday evenings. What gives the church council the right to deny this assembly of people who want to study the Bible? They allow GED classes and the Rotary to meet EVERY WEEK. Why can’t we have TWO or FOUR or SIX small groups studying the Bible? Why must it be only ONE?
Why doesn’t the church leadership take a stand against Billy Wayne’s ministries? Or at least ask him to come to a meeting to see if this can be addressed in any way? Maybe he isn’t fully aware of how his “ministry” has divided our church and many of the people in it. Maybe some people who have become his followers (as opposed to Jesus’ followers) have taken this way beyond what Wayne would want. Maybe someone should tell him.
I would challenge Mr. Wayne to send me a letter or call me for an interview to hear his side of it, because I know I’m confused. (I don’t look for him to respond).
How many of the church leaders have said they had “concerns” about Wayne’s materials and theology, and yet they allow his “Encounter” concert to be publicized in our current newsletter and in today’s church bulletin?
These same people express concerns about Judgment House and how the devil takes center stage in that production, but when someone wants to reestablish it, the church says, “Not now, let’s wait a year.” What’s wrong with NOT NOW, NOT EVER?
And this morning I find a Billy Wayne Concert flyer on my dashboard. I notice them all over the cars in the parking lot and across the street. Curiously, I can’t see any of them on cars at the Methodist Church next door.
First Baptist is responsible for bringing Billy Wayne to this community. I have asked if First Baptist has any responsibility toward the community now that his ministry is at the center of all this conflict. I was told, “No, he is a man of God.”
Are the church leaders afraid that they will look bad for having supported Wayne in the past?
And isn’t this whole mess is about money? First Baptist and the individual members of the congregation who used to pledge money are no longer cash cows for Billy Wayne Ministries.
At least the church council did do one thing: They updated the bulletin, removing names of people who are no longer serving on boards, or whatever. They must have also removed the names of people they wish would JUST GO AWAY: My own name has been removed. I have covered the backsides of church officials for most of this last year, playing the piano for anything they asked, while our organist left and all the mess with the youth pastor came up and the youth choir pianist left and then the new pastor came in and was systematically destroyed. I have played for every single early service in 2005, with the exception of ONE. I launched a worship team in March which meets and sings every week, and I select the music for the early service. I have offered to lead a women’s Bible study; help with the newsletter; and help revamp the Sunday School. And yet the message is clear: CHALLENGE THE CHURCH LEADERSHIP AND YOU WILL BE STRICKEN FROM THEIR RECORD. (Yet the names of people who resigned months ago and who have continued to wreak havoc in the community and in our church have been published in that bulletin until TODAY).
This is a battle between good and evil, not flesh and blood.
No matter what anyone who reads this thinks, it is NOT PERSONAL.
THEREFORE, I WILL NOT GIVE UP THE FIGHT. I AM COMPELLED, although I know it will cost me.
They will call me a false prophet, a fringe loon, troublemaker, or maybe a just plain NUT, but unless God chooses to take me home, I’m in this one.
Jesus said YOU ARE FOR ME OR YOU ARE AGAINST ME.
First Baptist is still in the middle of the road.
Here we sit in our mansion with our fancy organ and padded pews, our perpetual fund and our investments--with people stepping over top of each other to take control--while Lazarus lay dying at the foot of our stained glass double-doors, covered with sores.
Our community is covered with the oozing wounds of oppressive politics, disregard for the poor and homeless, unwarranted tolerance for the destruction of our environment, and no compassion for the injustice heaped upon anyone who dares to speak the truth.
And I am persuaded that in the end, God wins, but how many will be lost in the meantime? And who will held accountable?
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[POSTED AUGUST 11, 2005]
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Church MATTERS
SHOE SHOW
PUBLISHER’S NOTE: My recipe for “toasting” your pastor seems to have brought some strength and encouragement to some, while alternately ruffling not a few feathers of some others. Lest I be accused of being a FALSE TEACHER or PROPHET or just plain TROUBLE MAKER, please consider the quotes below, which are DEFINITELY NOT MINE.
Below are some various shoe sizes and styles.
Do any of them fit you?
1. I’ve had it with you! You’re hopeless...Frauds! You keep meticulous account books, tithing on every nickel and dime you get, but manage to find loopholes for getting around basic matters of justice and God’s love. (Jesus, from Luke 11).**
2. Don’t be bluffed INTO SILENCE or insincerity by the threats of religious bullies.....There’s nothing they can do to your soul....(Jesus, from Luke 12)
3. You’re hopeless...Frauds! You love sitting at the head table at church dinners, love preening yourselves in the radiance of public flattery. Frauds! You’re just like unmarked graves; People walk over that nice, grassy surface, never suspecting the rot and corruption that is six feet under.” (Jesus, from Luke 11)
4. This is war, and THERE IS NO NEUTRAL GROUND. If you’re not on my side, you’re the enemy; if you’re not helping, you’re making things worse. (Jesus, from Luke 11)
5. I will send them PROPHETS AND APOSTLES, but they’ll kill them and RUN THEM OFF. (Jesus, from Luke 11)
6. Watch yourselves carefully so you don’t get contaminated with Pharisee yeast, Pharisee phoniness. You can’t keep your true self hidden forever; before long you’ll be exposed. You can’t hide behind a religious mask forever; sooner or later the mask will slip and your true face will be known. You can’t whisper one thing in private and preach the opposite in public; the day’s coming when those whispers will BE REPEATED ALL OVER TOWN. (Jesus, from Luke 12)
7. Count yourself blessed every time someone cuts you down or throws you out, every time someone smears your name to discredit me. What it means is that THE TRUTH IS TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT and that person is uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens--skip like a lamb, if you like!--for even though they don’t like it, I do...and all heaven applauds, And know that you are in good company; my preachers and witnesses have always been treated like this. (Jesus, from Luke 6)
8. I’ve come to change everything, turn everything rightside up....Do you think I came to SMOOTH THINGS OVER and make everything NICE? Not so, I’ve come to DISRUPT AND CONFRONT! (Jesus, from Luke 12)
**All quotes are the words of Jesus and are taken from Eugene Peterson’s “The Message: The New Testament in in Contemporary Language.” CAPS are my own and are used for emphasis as italics are not available.
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[POSTED JULY 25, 2005]
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Following is something you may not expect to see on this website, but was born out of incidents preciptated by the PERVASIVE NATURE OF THE OPPRESSIVE POLITICAL CLIMATE IN GREENE COUNTY, even (maybe especially) in our churches.
HOW TO TOAST YOUR PASTOR ON A STICK IN ONE YEAR OR LESS
By Cindy Bailey, Editor & Publisher
GreeneSpeak Publications
1. After making sure that all your troubles are well-hidden, begin seeking a pastor from several thousand miles away. You wouldn’t want any pastor from your own region to find out about all your dirty laundry.
2. Make a rule that the vote by the Search Committee for the candidate must be unanimous, so in the end, the people in charge get what they want, because everyone else just wants the meetings to end.
3. Make sure the first task you assign your new pastor is to take a few months to decide what her professional needs will be in terms of support staff. That is, make HER devise a way to get rid of the old regime which has become problematic. That way, your hands stay clean, and you can always get another pastor if things get ugly.
4. Even though you are acutely aware that the ruling family has become out of control, don’t ever say that out loud where somebody might hear you. After all, you’ve known these people all your life; you may need them for something some time.
5. Keep at least one of the support staff people in place, because you know you can trust them; they will tell all as they gain the new pastor's trust.
6. Then wine and dine your anointed leader; make her believe that you believe that she has been called by God to be here. Of course, deep down you will believe it WHEN YOU SEE IT.
7. Help her to select a home located where you know all the neighbors, and you can get the real poop on what she’s really like when she lets her hair down.
8. Meanwhile, if the new pastor appears to be truly gifted in any way, make sure you encourage her to hide it under a bushel so that none of the important people of the church are threatened by it. For example, if she PREACHES THE WORD IN A WAY THAT PEOPLE CAN UNDERSTAND, suggest some different sermon topics, such as “Favorite Hymn Stories About Songs We No Longer Sing, or Even Want To” or “Quaint Poetry for People Who Prefer Not to Hear the Truth.”
9. Continue to keep the fog machine running, so that the people are confused about what is wrong exactly and most of all, so that GOD’S ANGRY FACE IS HIDDEN.
10. Keep saying out loud, “God has a plan.” Then devise your own when things start going awry.
11. Of course, they will go awry; ruling families of churches don’t just go away. They live here. They have businesses here; they could lose friends, but even more importantly, they could lose BUSINESS.
12. Weak board members are always a plus. This would include business owners, public officials, and the politically correct. CARDINAL RULE: DO NOT LET ANY JEREMIAH’S ON BOARD YOUR LISTING BOAT. They tend to make people face the dirty laundry mentioned in Rule #1. This type of person just makes everyone uncomfortable and also could cause your board members to lose customers, or votes.
13. When you’re pretty sure that the sacrifice is prepared enough to be toasted, apply the stick by expressing your "minor" concerns about your pastor’s “doctrine.” No one except the pastor really knows what the heck “doctrine” is, so keep it vague, and it will put a big crack in her foundation. What’s the worst thing you can do to a preacher? Start planting doubts about the “truth” of her preaching.
14. As she starts to get rattled and makes more and more mistakes, light the match by wondering out loud if the programs are suffering because of her. Ask her enemies how she is doing.
15. Add the gasoline when the pastor cries out for help by telling her that, yes, SHE NEEDS SOME and that she should go see a psychiatrist. That way, you can be pretty sure your backside is covered, and she will most likely resign with no danger of a lawsuit.
16. On the day of the resignation, dance around the fire with a “special service of music and praise,” and make sure all your prayers include references to “our caring and concern” for the physical and EMOTIONAL health of the now-departed servant of God, making sure you follow Rule #17.
17. When it’s all over, and the church leaders are picking over the ashes, they should make a pact that they will never admit they did anything wrong. Further, do not in any way acknowledge any of the general membership who wants to admit that they had been wrong about anything. That keeps everyone on the same level. Besides, this could lead to someone questioning the church leaders' authority. We all know that in your average church, God is only the secondary authority; the boards supersede Him. However, if someone should question anything, ask them if they would like to switch places with you and get on a board, which of course, is impossible due to the manmade rules in your church constitution, which help you maintain Rule #12.
18. Above all, DON’T REPENT. YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
19. If a few weeks, begin again with Instruction #1.
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