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OFFICIAL WEBSITE OF
GREENESPEAK PUBLICATIONS
CINDY
BAILEY, EDITOR & PUBLISHER
Headquartered at:
99 S. Washington St., Waynesburg, PA
Greene County
MAILING ADDRESS:
P.
O. Box 1003
Waynesburg, PA 15370
BUSINESS PH: 724-344-7980
E-MAIL: cindy@greenespeak.com
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[POSTED
JUY 14, 2009]
OLD-TIME RELIGION
Okay, so here's another topic for ya' on a whole different thread. I am feeling
this deficiency of Old-Time Religion--you know like those revivials they used to have--these days.
I have been a church-goer
all my life and I'll admit I get bored and have moved to different churches from time to time.
And I'm not picking
on any particular church, not even my own, but I think I've been involved in WASP churches long enough that I could write
a decent satire called
HOW TO KEEP GOD FROM INTERFERING WITH YOUR CHURCH.
The intro could go something like this...
YOU
NEED TO READ THIS BOOK IF YOU HAVE FOUND YOURSELF IN ANY ONE OF THE SITUATIONS DESCRIBED BELOW:
1. Have you been working
hard to keep your church facility in tiptop shape, refreshing the fake greenery on the altar with meticulous care; paving
that empty parking lot; installing new carpeting--while putting up with do-gooders who would be more at ease in a BARN or
TENT?
2. Have you spent hundreds of hours in meetings discussing ways to keep your programming ordinary but adequate
in an effort to minimize (or eliminate) those messy emotional responses that tend to bubble up when your congregation gets,
uhm INSPIRED?
3. And how 'bout that membership roll? Has it been your deisre to keep it trimmed back, making sure the
names on there are familiar, of long historic and reputable standing in your community? You know, the people with CLOUT; finances,
politics, positions of authority? Is someone always dragging in the POOR IN SPIRIT, PEOPLE THRISTING AFTER RIGHTEOUSNESS,
PEOPLE IN MOURNING, ODDBALLS, PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST POOR or worse, JUST DIRTY?
4. Have you worked tirelessly to make
sure your church leaders--teachers, speakers, and musicians--are MEDIOCRE, that no one in particular SHINES at anything? That
everyone just blends in and does an ADEQUATE job? Have you been endeavoring to ignore the wishes of the general congregation
(who really don't know ANYTHING), keeping everything barely skimming the surface to avoid the emotional responses in #2?
5.
Have you sincerely tried to STAND IN THE WAY OF ANYTHING NEW, CRISP, CUTTING-EDGE, OR (gasp!) TECHNOLOGICAL because what you
are doing now is THE WAY WE'VE ALWAYS DONE IT.
6. Do you wholeheartedly support global mission work while simutaneously
COMPLETELY IGNORING the local needy because these folks might start attending your church and destory all the effort you put
into #3?
THEN READ ON! If you feel like you can't keep your arms in the air much longer, this book is for you. You
can lay down your burdens right here, right now. JUST KEEP GOD OUT OF YOUR CHURCH (without admitting it of course) and ALL
THESE THINGS SHALL BE ADDED UNTO YOU. Beause God just DOESN'T CARE about your facility, your membership roll, meaningless
meetings and programs, mediocrity, traditions, and he truly despises people who ignore the oppressed, even if they are LOCAL.
Just
keep God out of your head and your building, and you can accomplish the above 6 goals and MORE!
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Ok, so I got carried
away with that pretend book, but can anybody relate to this? Am I just a bad person? I feel like we are a whole lot of frogs
floating dreamily in a pot sitting atop a very low flame...Can anything shake us up? I want out of the pot before it's too
late!
YOUR COMMENTS PLEASE!
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